My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
