I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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