apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
