That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
