Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
