dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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