JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
