also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
