plz talk dirty to me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
