Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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