i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
