I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
