I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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