you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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