We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
