So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
