Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
