all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
