Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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