I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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