i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
