im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
