you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
