I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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