well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
