I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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