At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
