Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
