when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
