why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
