I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
