mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
