I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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