My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
