she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
