allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
