a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
