i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
