: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
