so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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