You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
