I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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