Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
