Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
