Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
