Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
