I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
