I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
