Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
