it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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