my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
