if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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