It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
