Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
