The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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